Language Jokes — best jokes

An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem.
"Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench." He says.
He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Off in the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman and several small black children playing in the yard.

The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have Monkey Wrench?"

"What?" She yells back.

"A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams.

"What?"

"MONKEY WRENCH!!?...

MONKEY WRENCH!!?"

"Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"

Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
→ He has got no beef.

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
→ Because it was always running out of the pen.

When is a farmer like a magician?
→ When he turns his cow to pasture.

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
→ You take me for grunted.

Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller?
→ He wanted to grow mash potatoes!

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
→ They trod on his corn.

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."

What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?
→ FIRETRUCK.

A fireman had two sons. What did he name them?
→ Hosea and Hoseb