Language Jokes — best jokes

"I gotta 'A' in spelling," Tony told his father.
"You dope!" he replied. "There isn't any 'A' in 'spelling'!"

- Daughter: I will never learn to spell.

- Mother: Why?

- Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor.

"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied.

"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

What's long, green and goes hith?
→ A snake with a lisp!

Why did the viper, viper nose?
→ Because the adder, adder hankerchief!

What song to snakes like to sing?
→ Viva Aspana!

- Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved.

- Pupil: Thank you

- Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though!

- Teacher: Name two pronouns?

- Pupil: Who?, me?

- Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare?

- Pupil: No

- Teacher: What have you read then?

- Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair!

- Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language?

- Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters