Kids Jokes — best jokes

A little boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, what does a pussy look like?"

Father responds, "Well son, before or after sex?"
Son, "Well, before?"
Father, "Picture a tulip with all the petals son."
Son, "Well what about after?"
Father, "Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!"

A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?"

"Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor."

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."

Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I?"

There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son's room and says "Son do you remember that session I arranged for you with mademoiselle Ginette ?" "Oh yes papa, I remember very well" says the son. "Well son it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same thing"

A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"

"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'"

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.

They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"

The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"

A little girl asks her father, "Where do little girls come from?"

The father says, "They come from a hard-on."

The little girl then asks her father, "Where does a hard-on come from?"

The father says, "Little girls!"

A young girl is speaking with her father.

- Daddy, what's that between your legs?

- That's my hedgehog.

- Wow, it's got a massive cock.

One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating.

The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew what he was doing in there and that he should save it for marriage.

Little Jimmy agreed to this only because it was coming from a priest. About a week later the priest ran into Jimmy at the mall and asked him how he was doing with his problem.

Jimmy replied, "Great, Father, I've saved a whole quart!"