Random joke from this category
On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
- Be still, my heart - thought my friend.
- My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
Then the child spoke to the instrument:
- Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages.
- Mommy, look what I found - the boy called out.
- What have you got there, dear? - his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered:
- It's Adam's clothes!!!!!
- Brother: How do you top a car?
- Sister: Tep on the brake, tupid.
- My sister's a really bad driver.
- What makes you say that?
- Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she's run over.
A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap into the living room.
- How did you manage to do that? - he fumed.
- Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!
On Fred's 17th birthday, his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson.
As they got in the car, the father said:
- Just one thing, Fred. If you're going to hit anything, make sure it's cheap.
- What sort of a car has your dad got?
- I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T.
- Really - Ours only starts with gas.
One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said:
- I did that by accident.
She replied:
- I know that, daddy.
He replied:
- How'd you know?
The girl said:
- Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!
A young man comes home and says:
- Dad, I just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car.
Father replies:
- O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make sure the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see.
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand:
- Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?
Father replies:
- That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair.
Son says:
- But, dad, Jesus had long hair.
Father replies:
- Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went.
- Monster: Stick 'em down.
- Ghost: Don't you mean, stick 'em up.
- Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business.
