Food Jokes — best jokes

How do you catch King Kong?
→ Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

Why are bananas never lonely?
→ Because they hang around in bunches.

- First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's eating you?

- Second apple: Worms, I think.

Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants?
→ Ronald MacAardvark!

What do computers eat when they get hungry?
→ Chips.

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!"

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.

As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, "Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie!"

"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the past situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!" She walks away.

Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him.

While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts."

She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."

A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal.

Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint "what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night" she asked?

All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled "Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole"!

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.

Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.

The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who buttered him up.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at him.

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.