Farming Jokes — best jokes

Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
→ Because he was a dirty double crosser!

What do you call a sleeping bull?
→ A bulldozer!

What has two legs and flies?
→ A pig!

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
→ A cow that can milk itself!

Why did the farmer call his pig 'Ink'?
→ Because he kept running out of the pen!

What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
→ Cold cream!

What game do cows play at parties?
→ Moosical chairs!

Why is it called a 'herd' of cattle?
→ Well, have you 'herd' the sound they make!

Why was the lamb told off for being rude?
→ He would not say 'thank ewe' to his mum!

Why did the dirty chicken cross the road?
→ For some fowl purpose!

How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!

How do chickens dance?
→ Chick to chick!

What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo-cluck!

What do you call a bull who tells jokes?
→ Laugh-a-bull!

What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
→ The milky baa kid!

What is a duck's favorite dance?
→ The quackstep!

Which dance will a chicken not do?
→ The foxtrot!

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
→ A woolly jumper!

What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs?
→ A pigtail!

Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
→ To the moo-vies!

If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
→ Plenty of milk!

Why did the baby turkey bolt down his food?
→ Because he was a little gobbler!

Why did the starstruck chicken cross the road?
→ To see Gregory Peck!

What kind of tie does a pig wear?
→ Pig's tie!

What is another name for a cow?
→ A lawn-mooer!

Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
→ Because she was afraid someone would caesar!

What do you call a pig thief?
→ A hamburglar!

Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
→ In a hog cabin!

What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
→ A clotheshorse!

Why do pigs never recover from illness?
→ Because you have to kill them before you cure them!

What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous driving?
→ A road hog!

What do you call sheep that live together?
→ Pen friends!

What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?
→ An egg!

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
→ Udder nonsense!

What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
→ Use a cowculator!

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
→ 'Dad, dad, look what marma-laid'!

What's a cows favorite vegetable?
→ A cowat!

Where do you take sick ponies?
→ To the horsepital!

What do you say if you see a flying pig?
→ 'I see bacon's going up'!

Who tells chicken jokes?
→ Comedihens!

What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes?
→ A swine gut!

Why did the chicken cross the road at the fairground?
→ To get to the other side!

What did the lovesick bull say to the cow?
→ 'When I fall in love it will be for heifer'!

Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air?
→ Because eggs were going up!

What do you call a sheep with no legs or head?
→ A cloud!

What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
→ An egg-splosion!

What is a cow's favorite TV show?
→ Dr Moo!

Why was the farmer hopping mad?
→ Because someone had trodden on his corn!

What would happen if bulls could fly?
→ You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up!

What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud?
→ A sheep that's under the weather!

Why do cows like being told jokes?
→ Because they like being amoosed!

What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'?
→ A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!

What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig?
→ A groundhog!

How do you take a pig to hospital?
→ By hambulance!

What do you call a joke book for chickens?
→ A yolk book!

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
→ To stamp out forest fires!

Why did the pig go to the casino?
→ To play the slop machine!

What is a pigs favorite ballet?
→ Swine Lake!

What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
→ Pooched eggs!

How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday?
→ Eat him on Saturday!

Why did the foal cough?
→ Because he was a little horse!

What is the opposite of cock-a doodle-doo?
→ Cock-a-doodle-don't!

What's the best way to keep milk from turning sour?
→ Leave it inside the cow!

Where do milkshakes come from?
→ Excited cows!

What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
→ Lumpy milkshakes!

What is the definition of a goose?
→ An animal that grows down as it grows up!

Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep?
→ She had a crook with her!

What do you give a pony with a cold?
→ Cough Stirrup!

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
→ A horse!

What happens when geese land in a volcano?
→ They cook their own gooses!

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
→ Streaky bacon!

What is a horse's favorite sport?
→ Stable tennis!

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
→ An udder failure!

What do you give a sick pig?
→ Oinkment!

What do you get if you all sit under a cow?
→ A pat on the head!

What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
→ Put him in a tight jumper!

What do you call a pig that took a plane?
→ Swine flu!

What kind of doctor treats ducks?
→ A quack!

What did the well mannered sheep say to his friend at the field gate?
→ Afer ewe!

Why did the ram fall over the cliff?
→ He didn't see the ewe turn!

What do cows like to dance to?
→ Any kind of moosic you like!

Where do sheep get shorn?
→ At the baa baas!

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?
→ A bullfrog!

Why did the bull rush?
→ Because it saw the cow slip!

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?
→ A battery hen!

What do you call an arctic cow?
→ An eskimoo!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
→ A brick-layer!

How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
→ Build a sty-scraper!

Why does a rooster watch TV?
→ For hentertainment!

What do you get from a drunk chicken?
→ Scotch eggs!

What do you call a crate of ducks?
→ A box of quackers!

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
→ A bird that has to wring its own neck!