Ethnic — best jokes

Why did God give Mexicans a nose?
→ So they'd have something to pick in the off season!

Rumors have been circulating regarding what the troopers were shouting after they found the man hiding Elian Gonzalez in a closet during the raid of the house that was illegally holding him.

Some people claim they were shouting, "Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!" Others claim it was "Score! Score! Score!"

But the real truth is, when the trooper ripped open the closet door and was brought face to face with the fisherman holding Elian, he shouted, "Drop the chalupa!"

What is every blonde's ambition in life?
→ To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
→ Trying to hold on to a thought.

What is the mating call of the blonde?
→ "I'm "sooo" drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
→ (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?
→ They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!

Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
→ They always forget the recipe.

Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
→ Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
→ Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
→ From eating with forks.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
→ So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
→ Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
→ Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
→ You can park in the handicap zone.

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green,... I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?"

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None 'o yo' freakin' bitness!

How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Both of them.

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two. One to screw it in and the other to say "Fabulous."

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ How many can you afford?

How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.

How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "Twelve. Ya got a problem with dat?"

What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
→ "You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish."

What does NASA stand for?
→ Need Another Seven Astronauts
→ Need Another Shuttle Also

Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
→ They didn't know it was going to blow up.

Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
→ Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP.

On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer?
→ So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they'll have a rated officer onboard.

How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
→ Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.

One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, "Buffalo Come!"

And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"

Tonto replied, "Ear stuck to ground..."

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as.

The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?"

Nah...they were white, her husband replied.

Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?

No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles!

So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.

So he thinks a bit and then pops up - " I got it! ".

We'll go as Heshey Bars!

"Heshey bars?" replies his wife..."are you nuts!"

Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!

A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He looks at his mom and says, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy!"

His mom slaps him in the kisser and says, "Go show your father!"

He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a white boy!" His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your Grandmother!"

The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Look granny, I'm a white boy!" His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.

His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?!"

To which the boy replies, "Sure enough did. I've only been white for 5 minutes and I already hate you black people!"

Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy.

Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant.

It read - "We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!"