Ethnic — best jokes

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"

The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."

When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?" He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"

Striking up a conversation with the attractive woman seated beside him on a coast-to-coast flight, a would-be Romeo asked, "What kind of man are you attracted to?"

"I've always been drawn to Native American men," she replied. "They're in harmony with nature."

"I see," said the man, nodding.

"But, then, I really go for Jewish men who put women on a pedestal, and I can rarely resist the way Southern gentlemen treat their ladies with respect."

"Please allow me to introduce myself," said the man. "My name is Tecumseh Goldstein, but all my friends call me Bubba."

The guy next to us was listening for quite some time, when he finally came over to our table and said...

"I am Polish and I can take a Polish joke as well as the next Polack, but your continued bashing of my race is getting a little old. Could you please change the subject?"

We did.

Shortly thereafter.....my friend had to to to the bathroom and the burly Polack got up and followed him into the bathroom.

They were in there for QUITE A WHILE and when they FINALLY came out, I asked my friend, "What happened in there?"

He said, "Well, you saw him follow me into the can.......

Well he pulled a RAZOR ON ME!

Really scared the hell out of me! And boy oh boy would I have ever been in a pickle if he had fould a place to PLUG IT IN!"

A Polak is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.

The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggrevation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."

So the Polak takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?", the Polak asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day", the Polak tells himself.

So, the next morning the Polak gets up at 4 in the morning and cuts, and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and he only manages to cut five cords.

The Polak is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer", the Polak says to himself.

The very next day the Polak brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the Polak's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, "Huh, it looks fine."

Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the Polak responds, "What's that noise?"

You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
→ He's the one with a duck.

You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
→ He's the one with a duck.

How do you know if an Italian is there?
→ He bet on the duck.

How do you know if the Mafia is there?
→ The duck wins.

Why did the Polak put ice in his condom?
→ To keep the swelling down.

Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
→ Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin!

Why did the Polak cross the road?
→ He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"

The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?"

The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X tomorrow."

The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"