Dumb Jokes — best jokes

There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin."

The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing it off to a friend. 'This clock,' he said, 'will go for 14 days without winding.'
'Really?' replied his friend, 'And how long will it go if you do wind it?'

- Customer: I'd like a watch that tells time.

- Clerk: Don't you have a watch that tells time?

- Customer: No, you have to look at it.

- Caller: Operator! Operator! Call me an ambulance!

- Operator: Okay. You're an ambulance!

- Party Host: Hello?

- Phone Caller: I'm trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her?

- Party Host: I'd be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does anybody know Ima Nidiot?

- Who was that on the phone, Fred?

- Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down!

A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and a West Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them to complete the sentence: "Old MacDonald had a ..."

The Indianan said, "Old MacDonald had a carburetor."
"Sorry," said the MC. "That's incorrect."
"Old MacDonald had a flat tire," said the Kentuckian.
"Wrong," said the host.
"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the West Virginian.
"That's correct!" shouted the MC. "Now for $200,000, spell farm."

The West Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully:

"E-I-E-I-O."

Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

Did you hear about the stupid snake?
→ He lost his skin.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."