Dumb Jokes — best jokes

What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog?
→ Chump chops!

- Jack: My brother was sick and went to the doctor.

- John: Is he feeling better now?

- Jack: No, he has a broken arm.

- John: How did he break it?

- Jack: Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window.

- John: How did he break his arm?

- Jack: He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription.

A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!" he wailed.
"What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor. "I keep having the same dream, night after night. There's this door with a sign on it, and I push and push the door but I can't get it open."
"What does the sign say?" asked the Doctor. "Pull," said the patient.

- Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?

- Nurse: No. Is it missing?

A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.

- Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!

- Nurse: What is it?

- Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.

"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!"

Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling.
"Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?"

"Oh, I know! I just can't hear it enough!"

An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted.

To which his wife said to her lover 'See, I told you he was stupid'

Did you hear someone has invented a coffin that just covers the head?
→ It's for people like you who're dead from the neck up!

- Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?

- Joe: I won it in a race.

- Bill: How many people participated in it?

- Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off.

"Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly.

"You must think I'm daft," said the officer.

"You stand here and I'll get it."