Doctor Jokes — best jokes

- Doctor, I need your help. My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?

- Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?

- Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've got to help me!

- Er... Why don't you take a lover?

- I have! I still don't get enough.

- Take another lover.

- I did. In fact, I have eight lovers, and I still don't get enough sex!

- Gosh, that's an anomaly.

- Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me I'm a whore!

The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination.

"Mrs. Brown," he said, "I have some good news for you."

The woman said, "I'm glad of that, doctor, but I'm Miss Brown."

"Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing expression, "I have bad news for you."

What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
→ Both can smell it but can't eat it.

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant."

"But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes."

"Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."

At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20.

Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed, replied, "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one."

The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um... little sailor can't salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, "Listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since your husband's on his way out...

Get this prescription, and put three drops in his milk before he goes to bed."

The wife is very happy and thanks the doc profusely. Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went.

The lady blushes, smiles and says, "Well, I put thirty drops in his milk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to close the coffin."

The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint.

- Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive.

- Come on now, Mr. Peters, your sex drive's all in your head.

- That's what I mean, you've got to lower it a little.

Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said, "Please give me a prescription for the Pill."

- I don't think you need the Pill at your age.

- It relaxes me.

- But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing.

"I know," said Mrs. Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed."

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.

The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."

97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.

He says, "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worry or become upset about it, but should just relax and things will probably be completely fine and blah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks, "When did you first begin to think you were impotent?"

"Three times last night, and again this morning."