Doctor Jokes — best jokes

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!" "I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."

"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."

A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast.

One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, "Don't move -- I'll be right back."

When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?"

"I hiccupped."

How do dentists become brain surgeons?
→ When their drills slip.

The patient came into the doctor's office, suffering from amnesia.

The doctor asked, "Have you ever had it before?"

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.

"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

"I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.

"In fact, three doctors are there already!"

- Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we've managed to save one of them.

- Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

- Doctor: Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.

A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died."

"But you see I'm alive," smiled the friend. "Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "The man who told me is much more reliable than you."

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor's office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

The doctor took Bill into the room and said, "Bill, I have some good news and some bad news." Bill said, "Give me the good news." "They're going to name a disease after you."