Doctor Jokes — best jokes

Psychiatrist:

1. Mind-sweeper.
2. Someone who asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Psychiatry: The care of the id by the odd.

- Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.

- Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair!

- Psychiatrist: What is your problem?

- Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

- Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

- Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?

- Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?

- Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!

- Psychiatrist: Sit over there and I'll deal with you later!

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dustbin.

- Psychiatrist: Don't talk such rubbish!

- Patient: Doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.

- Psychiatrist: Don't let people push you around.

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a curtain.

- Psychiatrist: Pull yourself together!

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.

- Psychiatrist: What!...who said that?

A patient goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist gives him a Rorschach Test; he shows the patient a circle with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?"

The patient replies, "Two people are having sex in the middle of a circular room."

The psychiatrist shows the patient another picture of a square with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?"

Patient answers, "Two people are having sex in a square room."

The psychiatrist shows the patient one more picture of a triangle with a dot outside it and asks, "What do you see now?"

Patient replies, "Doctor, are you some kind of pervert?!?"