Random joke from this category
A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.
Ray listened patiently.
- That's amazing. Where I come from there's really only one.
"Oh," sniffed the Romeo, "just one? And which way is that?"
- Well, there's a man and there's a woman . . .
"Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!"
A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob.
- Excuse me, aren't you Karen Carlton, and didn't you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?
- Yes. How'd you know?
- I never forget a face.
Whats long, hard and full of semen??
→ A submarine.
A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money. On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five fingers.
"Oh darling!" she squeals with delight, "Does that mean five times?"
"No", says the old fellow, "it means that you can pick one out."
How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
→ He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.
How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?
→ Call her up
What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one.
Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.
What do the Chinese call a 69????
→ Two can chew!!
The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her,... don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara."
The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I have. I have."
Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."
The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build."
Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis."
The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."
One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, "We're learning about sexual education." She smiled, and said, "At least he's learning something usefull." Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy's mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. She opens his door and sees him jerking off. She says, "Billy, when you're done with your homework, supper's on the table."
