Dirty Jokes — best jokes

G: Nobody gets the girl.

PG: The good guy gets the girl.

R: The bad guy gets the girl.

X: Everybody gets the girl!

It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out. The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass." The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass." Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."

What do Viagra And DisneyLand have in common?
→ They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!

What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
→ Hugh Grant.

Who's got long blonde hair and big tits, and lives in Melbourne, Australia?
→ Salman Rushdie.

What's the new documentary about Madonna going to be called?
→ Missionary Position Impossible.

What did Marv Albert do after NBC gave him the pink slip?
→ He put it on.

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?
→ Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch...

David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table." "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage.

He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts fucking her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!"

The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's fucking magic."

Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may "commiserate". After a wild night of getting it on, it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and Mike are having a conversation. She says, "Lotsa guys want to know how it was. Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like first?" Mike thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell, give me the good news." She tells him, "The good news is that you're bigger than Magic Johnson."