Dirty Jokes — best jokes

A man goes to a doctor and says:

- Doctor, it's embarrassing, but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

- Gee, what are you taking for it?

- Snuff.

The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.

- Do you have reservations? - asked the desk clerk.

- Only one - replied the groom.

- She won't take it up the ass.

Don was looking for a little "action." He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times, she was screaming for more. After the eighth time, Don told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.

On the way out, he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic when he couldn't find his dick. After a couple of minutes of "fishing around," he finally said:

- Look, it's ok. She's not here!

A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a park.

- The witness: They were fucking, your honor.

- The judge: Could the witness put it in a more Shakespearean way?

- The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear / Until tiny sounds came to my ear / There was this couple on the ground there / and his balls were dangling in the air / and you know his what was in her you know where / If that wasn't fucking, your Honor, I wasn't there.

This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn't know what to do. He's fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says:

- Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s'pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!...

So he got his bowling ball and threw it in the outhouse!

The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her husband:

- You know, you're really a lousy lover!

Her husband replies:

- How would you know after only 30 seconds?

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.

They hear her say:

- Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!

The six-year-old says to his brother:

- He must be fucking her up the ass!

A boat load filled with Viagra sank in Baltimore Harbor.

They could not get the draw bridges down for a week.

- Doctor, I need your help. My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?

- Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?

- Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've got to help me!

- Er... Why don't you take a lover?

- I have! I still don't get enough.

- Take another lover.

- I did. In fact, I have eight lovers, and I still don't get enough sex!

- Gosh, that's an anomaly.

- Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me I'm a whore!

A little girl asks her father:

- Where do little girls come from?

The father says:

- They come from a hard-on.

The little girl then asks her father:

- Where does a hard-on come from?

The father says:

- Little girls!