Random joke from this category
A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side." Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."
Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times.
One says to the other:
- Darling, do you remember the minuet?
The other replies:
- Sweetheart, I can't even remember the ones I screwed!
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. "And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up.
"OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd. "Gosh, that's pretty good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand stays up. The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual contact with a ghost?" The guy with his hand up suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said 'goat'."
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I wonder how the girls are doing?"
Cop coming upon a young couple making out....
- Cop: What the hell are you two doing?
- Boy: We're necking.
- Cop: Well stick your neck back in your pants and get out of here.
- Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
- Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!
What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt?
→ Self-employed
Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.
Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.
The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate.
- I've got some good news and some bad news - the mate said on the telephone.
- Well, give me the good news first - replied the other.
- The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins - came the reply.
- And the bad news?
- Mine died.
Schick is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City, runs into a hooker, and he says:
- How much?
She says:
- Twenty bucks.
He says:
- All right.
They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars.
She says:
- What's the extra five?
He says:
- That's for blowing the sand off my balls.
Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifer takes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and gets her head stuck. The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to the other, "This is too good to pass up," gets off his horse, unzips his pants and starts fucking the shit out of this heifer for at least ten minutes.
When he finally finished he looked up to his partner and asked him if he wants some of it. His partner replied, "Hell yes, that looks pretty good," climbs down off his horse, drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.
