Dirty Jokes — best jokes

Did you know Sex is a crime?
→ Its a misdemeanor - The more I miss de meaner I get..

What is the difference between a Slut and a Bitch?
→ A Slut sleeps with everyone, a bitch sleeps with everyone but you!

The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on sexual morality:

- In moments of temptation, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame? - said the speaker to the class.

A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask:

- How do you make it last an hour?

One neighbor says to the other, "Hey Joe, you have to stop leaving the blinds on your bedroom open, I saw you fucking your wife." Joe responds "The jokes on you, Stan, I was away on a business trip yesterday."

A priest is teaching a nun how to swim and the nun says to the priest "Will I really sink if you take your finger out?"

Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog in the front room. "My God Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time you've gone too far!" "You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."

- Woman: Slow down, foreplay is an art.

- Man: Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon, I'm going to spill my paint!

A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach, occasional cramps and an irresistible urge to fuck in the mud...

The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume.

- This is called 'Perhaps' - said the sales clerk.

- It's $285 per ounce.

- Listen, for $285 an ounce, I don't want something called 'Perhaps'; I want something called...

- You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !! - the man shot back.