Random joke from this category
So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says:
- If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows.
He grabs her butt and says:
- If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens.
The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says:
- And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother.
What's the difference between a girl and a toilet?
→ A toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you drop a load into it.
How do we know that God is a man?
→ Because if God was a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.
What's the difference between a penis and a paycheck?
→ You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
A new priest was beginning in the Church confessional. His predecessor had given him a list of sins and their punishments.
The door opened and a man entered.
- Forgive me Father for I have sinned - he began.
- I have stolen.
The priest looked up stealing on the list and told him to say one Hail Mary.
The next time the door opened, a woman walked in:
- Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with the window cleaner.
The priest looked up oral sex on the list but couldn't find it. He opened his door and called out to the cleaning lady:
- What does Father John give for a blow job?
- $12.50 if I take me teeth out.
Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover:
- Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?
His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says:
- I don't feel anything.
Bruce says:
- Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out.
So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says:
- I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass.
Bruce starts singing:
- Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale:
- Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female:
- Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
- Look - she said.
- I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!
What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
→ The taste!
This suave-looking Redneck, (ok, just pretend there is one) walks into a bar and sees a cute little rich girl who's had too much to drink.
He says to her:
- Hey, baby...whataya say we go back to your place and get it on!
Lost in her drink, she replies:
- Sure, why not!
They get to her place, and she lies on the bed and says:
- Ok, show me what you do best!.
Without delay, the Redneck rips off his jacket, grabs her T.V., VCR, and purse and runs out the door!
The Gutter-Mind Test!
* The Correct Answers *
