Computer Jokes — best jokes

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: "Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two really bad news items for you:

1. God really exists and
2. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."

Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: "I have good news and bad news:

1. The GOOD news is that God really does exist
2. The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the earth."

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have two fantastic announcements:

1. I am one of the three most important people on earth
2. The Year 2000 problem is solved."

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None, that's a hardware problem.

You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!!

As we ain't got no programin' experience, this here Virus works on the honor system.

Please delete all the files on your hard drive, and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.

Thanks for your cooperation.

How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
→ We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated
"I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said
"I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."

The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."

The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"

Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

Dear Boss, I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.

At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months:
Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.

In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.