Computer Jokes — best jokes

What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98?
→ 3 years

I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!

Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?

- Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

- Well, dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

- Customer: I'm running Windows '95.

- Tech: Yes.

- Customer: My computer isn't working now.

- Tech: Yes, you said that.

Got this email from a friend:

CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?

One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen.

After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

He asked if she needed help and she replied, It's about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!

Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work:

• Strange...
• I've never heard about that.
• It did work yesterday.
• Well, the program needs some fixing.
• How is this possible?
• The machine seems to be broken.
• Has the operating system been updated?
• The user has made an error again.
• There is something wrong in your test data.
• I have not touched that module!
• Yes yes, it will be ready in time.
• You must have the wrong executable.
• Oh, it's just a feature.
• I'm almost ready.
• Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.
• It will be done in no time at all.
• It's just some unlucky coincidence.
• I can't test everything!
• THIS can't do THAT.
• Didn't I fix it already?
• It's already there, but it has not been tested.
• It works, but it's not been tested.
• Somebody must have changed my code.
• There must be a virus in the application software.
• Even though it does not work, how does it feel?
• How come you didn't find it during the system testing?
• It's a setup problem.

And the Ultimate:
A smart user would never do that!

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?

What's the best way to accelerate a Mac?
→ 9.81 m/s2