Christmas Jokes — best jokes

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
→ This one will sleigh you!

How does Ebenezer Scrooge make phone calls?
→ Collect!

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
→ Ince pies!

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
→ Ince pies!

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.

Green Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then replant it after New Years.

Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls."
Young Democrat's favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
Republican's favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."

Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.

Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season.
Republicans do too, all year round.

Democrats' favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
Right-Wing Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "Die Hard."