Business Jokes — best jokes

So the doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live.

But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives him another six months.

Why is sex like money in the bank?
→ Because when you withdraw, you lose interest.

Who makes more money a drug dealer or a hooker?
→ A hooker because she can wash her crack and reuse it.

The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume.

"This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 per ounce."

"Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't want something called 'Perhaps'; I want something called..."

You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"

The woman replies, "I'm a whore."

The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."

"No, that is still too crude. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."

Why do bankers make great lovers?
→ They know the penalty for early withdrawal.

What is the difference between a Certificate of Deposit and Intercourse?
→ A Certificate of Deposit has significant penalty for early withdrawal.

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and reads:

Dear Wife (that's what he called her), I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him), I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!!!!

A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki to buy furs.

He arranges for a hooker to be sent to his room.

When they're done, he said, "I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good."

The hooker replied, "Your foreplay ain't all that hot either."

The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, "Just how much is that watch?"

"It's $2000, ma'am."

"Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?"

"Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking two times a week for the next two months."