Business Jokes — best jokes

On the first day his son joined the family firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and said,

'I am going to give you your very first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof.'

Reluctantly, the boy went to stand on the edge of the roof.

'Now,' said his father, 'when I say, "Jump," I want you to jump off the roof.'

'But, Dad,' said the boy, 'there's a huge drop!'

'Do you want to succeed in business?'

'Yes, Dad.'

'And you trust me, don't you?'

'Yes, Dad.'

'So do as I say and jump.'

The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His father went racing down the stairs and ran up to him.

'That was your first lesson in business, son. Never trust anyone.'

What did the ruthless businessman say to his employees?
→ If at first you don't succeed - you're fired!

What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory?
→ You can hear a cough drop.

- Monster: Stick 'em down.

- Ghost: Don't you mean, stick 'em up.

- Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business.

Did you hear about the businessman who is so rich he has two swimming pools, one of which is always empty?
→ It's for people who can't swim!

What business is King Kong in?
→ Monkey business.

Why did the doughnut maker retire?
→ He was fed up with the hole business.

- Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.

- Would you spell that, please?

- Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.

The operator pauses.

- Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor . . .

A young businessman rented a beautiful office and furnished it with antiques. However, no business was coming in. Sitting there, worrying, he saw a man come into the outer office.

Wanting to look busy, he picked up the phone and pretended he was negotiating a big deal. He spoke loudly about big figures and huge commitments. Finally, he put down the phone and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "I've come to install the phone."

An Arthur Anderson partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, "Did you get my message where I said, 'Ship the Enron documents to the Feds'?"

The manager goes white. "Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds."