Random joke from this category
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."
Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
→ She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
Where do bees keep their money?
→ In a honey box.
Why is money called dough?
→ Because we all knead it.
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.
Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
- Why did you charge me a group rate?
- You've got multiple personalities.
What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?
→ He charges you double.
Wife, opening mail, to spouse: "The bank says that this is our last notice. Isn't it wonderful that they're not going to bother us anymore?"
Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company ...
- Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.
- Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.
- Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.
- 1st vampire: How things?
- 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.
