A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows.
They get out of the car and look at the problem.
The software manager says:
- I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem.
The hardware manager says:
- Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself.
The marketing manager says:
- Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship it!
Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said:
- I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.
At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling:
- The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!
A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack.
Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said:
- And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.
How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?
→ Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you.
A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
- I will grant you three wishes - announced the genie.
- But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double.
The salesman thought about this for a while.
- For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars - he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited.
- But your rival has just received $20,000,000 - the genie said.
- I've always wanted a Ferrari - the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari appeared.
- But your rival has just received two Ferraris - the genie said.
- And what is your last wish?
- Well - said the salesman - I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
→ Great food but no atmosphere.
- What flavors of ice cream do you have? - inquired the customer.
- Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate - answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.
Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked:
- Do you have laryngitis?
- No.... - replied the new waitress with some effort - just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate.
Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself." The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"
Three couples are dining together.
The American husband says to his wife:
- Pass me the honey, Honey.
The English husband says to his wife:
- Pass me the sugar, Sugar.
The [you name it] husband says to his wife:
- Pass me the steak, Dumb cow.
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts:
- Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!
The panda yells back at the manager:
- Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
- A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
