Best jokes

What do you call an ant who skips school?
→ A truant!

What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
→ All sorts of antics!

What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
→ Antteneye!

What kind of ant can you colour with?
→ A crayant!

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
→ An independant!

What's an extroverted accountant?
→ One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
→ What sort of answer did you have in mind?
→ None-just assume it's changed.

A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed:

- Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg.

The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.
The resident replied:

- As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something.

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.

- Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.

- Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometres, say a Mercedes convertible.

The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited.

- Wow. Are you kidding?

- Yeah. But you started it.

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.

- I need someone with an accounting degree - says the man.

- but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me.

- How do you mean? - says the accountant.

- I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.

- OK - says the accountant.

- How much are you offering?

- You can start on seventy-five thousand - says the owner.

- Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?

- That - says the man.

- is your first worry.