Guest
Auditors Have Left
- The auditors have just left, sir.
- Did they check the books?
- Very thoroughly.
- What did they say?
- They want 15% to keep quiet.
Best jokes
- All
- Animal Jokes 3869
- April Fools Jokes 10
- At Work 856
- Aviation Jokes 339
- Bar Jokes 445
- Blonde Jokes 1226
- Business Jokes 842
- Camping Jokes 88
- Celebrities 657
- Christmas Jokes 343
- Clean Jokes 1299
- Comedian Jokes 85
- Computer Jokes 800
- Dirty Jokes 3278
- Doctor Jokes 989
- Drunks 538
- Dumb Jokes 1114
- Elderly Jokes 636
- Ethnic 982
- Farming Jokes 327
- Festival Jokes 300
- Food Jokes 1052
- Gender Jokes 298
- Golf Jokes 164
- Instrument Jokes 274
- Irish Jokes 242
- Kids Jokes 2024
- Language Jokes 1361
- Lawyer Jokes 565
- Marriage Jokes 1855
- Medicine 1113
- Men Jokes 959
- Military Jokes 384
- Mom/Dad Jokes 674
- Ouch 850
- Police Jokes 668
- Political Jokes 751
- Practical Jokes 33
- Red Indian Jokes 66
- Redneck Jokes 248
- Relationships 775
- Religion 1283
- School 906
- Science 461
- Sex Jokes 935
- Situations 1812
- Sport Jokes 602
- Stats/Math Jokes 214
- Travel Jokes 715
- War 134
- Women Jokes 1241
- Yo Mama Jokes 333
Guest
Sensitive Child
Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:
- He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant.
Guest
Little Bo Peep
Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:
- No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking.
Guest
Cinderella's Pumpkin
The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
Guest
Martian Invasion
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says:
- I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy.
- We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?
The owner replies:
- I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant.
Guest
Missing Accountant
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.
The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.
- Was he tall or was he short?
The businessman replies:
- Both!
Guest
Hiring An Accountant
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks:
- Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?
The businessman replies:
- That's the accountant we're looking for.
Guest
Shy Accountant
What's a shy and retiring accountant?
→ An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Guest
First Accountant
Who was the first accountant?
→ Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
Laws Of Accounting
Laws of Accounting
- Trial balances don't
- Bank reconciliations never do
- Working Capital does not
- Return on Investments never will