Best jokes

How do you circumcise a redneck?
→ Kick his sister in the chin.

This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign:

- Hans Olaffsen's Laundry.

- Hans Olaffsen? - he thinks.

- How in the world does that fit in here?

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks:

- How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?

The old man answers:

- Is name of owner.

The visitor asks:

- Well, who is the owner?

- I am he - answers the old man.

- You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?

The old man replies:

- Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go:

- What your name?

- Hans Olaffsen - he say.

- What your name? - she look at me say.

- Sam Ting - I say.

A Chinese man is making love to his wife. He whispers in her ear:

- Baby, I wanna' 69!

She gives him a strange look and replies:

- You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?

A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to a dinner. He then stands up to thank everyone.

- First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, then I want to thank my children, and the lottery commission.

- Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler.

Suddenly everyone was silent as he showed some numbers tatooed on his forearm and said:

- For the winning numbers.

Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who were ordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second night out on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail, looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really starting to unwind.

Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into the ocean. They came up gasping and spluttering and saw the ship sailing away from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he had managed to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperately treading water. He called out:

- Hyman! Hyman, can you float alone?

- Oy vay! Vat a time to talk business! - called out Hymie from the dark waters.

Did you hear about the Polish Navy's tragic accident?
→ A hundred and thirty-seven sailors drowned trying to push-start their new submarine.

Who are Sven War, Ollie Famine, Piter Pestilence, and Jergi Death?
→ The four Norseman of the Apocolypse.

How do you know Monica Lewinsky is Jewish?
→ If she wasn't, she wouldn't have stained her dress.

The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods hunting together when suddenly a voluptuous blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude.

- Would I love to eat that? Oui, oui! - the Frenchman said, smacking his lips.

So the Italian shot her.

A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says "I love liver and cheese." she says "that's not good enough." The black says "I hate liver and cheese", and she says "that's not creative", and then the Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."