Best jokes

Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
→ It did $100 million worth of improvements.

Did you hear about the new German microwave oven?
→ It seats 500.

Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
→ He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says:

- Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?

What's the one thing you can do to a Jewish girl's asshole to make her squeal with delight?
→ Give him a raise.

What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?
→ An Italian mother says:

- If you don't eat it, I'll kill you.

→ A Jewish mother says:

- If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself.

How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
→ They all gather around their cash registers and sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."

Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library?
→ Both the books got burned, and one hadn't even been coloured in yet.

What's long and hard that a Greek bride gets on her wedding night?
→ A new last name.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, an Aussie, an Abo, a Yank, an African, an elephant, a refrigerator, two blondes, a homosexual, three social workers, a Jew, a crocodile and a kiwi all walked into a bar.

The bartender turned around and said:

- Is this some kind of a joke?

This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down and sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish genie, he say's to the nigger that he have two wishes. The black guy thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says:

- I want to be white and surrounded by cunt.

In an instant he is turned into a tampon.

Now the morale of this story is: Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.