A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play.
- What part? - the mother asked.
- I play a Jewish husband - the boy replied.
- Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..." The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers" "Okay" says the customer, "I'll tell it very slowly."
Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed their old friendship.
- Let's have a drink like we did in the old days - the first Scot winked at his mate.
- Aye - his mate replied.
- And don't forget it's your shout.
A man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to.
He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said:
- I'm moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here?
The men answered:
- Go hunt'n, kill things, 'n screw.
He then asked:
- What do you hunt and kill?
The men replied:
- Sumt'n ta screw.
Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
→ 3 dollars a year for a million years.
Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter who is strollin by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
- A brave New Yorker saves friend from vicious animal - he starts writing in his notebook.
- But I'm not from New York - the boy replies.
- I'm visiting from Kentucky!
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:
- Redneck bastard kills family pet.
What did the redneck get on his I.Q. test?
→ Drool.
Did you hear about the Irishman who went duck hunting?
→ He didn't get any because he couldn't throw the dog high enough.
A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder... the bartender looks up and says:
- Where the hell did you get that thing?
The Parrot replies:
- Over in Africa, there's millions of them!!!
Did you hear about the Irishman who went to the toilet?
→ He wiped the chain and pulled himself.
