Best jokes

What do you call a villager with 500 girlfriends?
→ A shepherd.

You might be a redneck if you check the mileage on your home.

How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?
→ There's dandruff on his/her shoes.

What's the object of a Jewish football game?
→ To get the quarter back!

Man goes to see the Rabbi.

- Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.

The Rabbi asked:

- What's wrong?

The man replied:

- My wife is poisoning me.

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks:

- How can that be?

The man then pleads:

- I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?

The Rabbi then offers:

- Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says:

- Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?

The man anxiously says:

- Yes.

- Take the poison - says the Rabbi.

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
→ He breaks his nose.

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

- Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.

- Okay - says the rabbi - let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly:

- You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!

What do you get when you cross a matzo ball with LSD?
→ A trip to Israel.

Jewish telegram:
→ Begin worrying. Details to follow.

How does every ethnic joke start?
→ By looking over your shoulder.