Women Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
→ They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?
→ Pull down their genes!

What is the definition of the perfect woman?
→ A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

There is a drunk driver. He goes and hits a car with a woman driving it. Whos fault is it?
→ The Woman's, she should of never left the kitchen!

This women of forty, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy.

The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.

After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.

The woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor's office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes.

The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your tits, and if you don't stop turning those screws you're going to have a beard!"

Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
→ No phone numbers.

A man can actually cater to a woman's every need, so long as all that she wants is to have sex, go to ball games, and bring him a beer.

- M: I know how to please a woman.

- W: Then please leave me alone.

- M: I want to give myself to you.

- W: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

- M: Your hair color is fabulous.

- W: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

- M: You look like a dream.

- W: Go back to sleep.

- M: I can tell that you want me.

- W: Yes, I want you to leave.

- M: Hey, baby, what's your sign?

- W: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

- M: Your body is like a temple.

- W: Sorry, there are no services today.

- M: Is this seat empty?

- W: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

- M: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?

- W: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

- M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

- W: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
→ Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
→ Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.