Women Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why do women pay so much attention to their appearance rather than to improving their minds?
→ Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

The bachelor who complained that the women he selected would not remain his friend for more than a few weeks was told, "Your problem is that you are looking for a particular kind of woman.

You ought to be looking for the kind of woman who is not particular."

A couple go on holiday to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies (thinking it was obvious).

"You're in a restricted fishing area" he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I am reading" she replies.

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up" the warden says.

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault" says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you!" says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."

- Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up.

- Harry: Do you think so?

- Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!

What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary?
→ Get married on his birthday.

What's the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband?
→ Say she wants to talk to him.

- Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell me if you find it unusual.

- Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined.

- (shouting) What a giant pussy!! What a giant pussy!!

- (angry) Did you have to say it twice?!?

- I didn't! I didn't!

How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car?
→ Tired.

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist.

As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.

The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The woman replies, "Yes... And we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we..."