Travel Jokes — most viewed jokes

If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she?
→ Dead.

There was an American on a buisness trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat.

So he said to the lady, "Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat."

Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, "You rude American! My little poodles needs somewhere to be!"

So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. "Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?"

Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, "You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodles!"

So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, "Move your mutt lady!" The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child.

Finally he'd had enough and grabbed the dog and threw it out the window. The woman sat in disbelief until the man accross the isle said, "You damn Americans, you do everything wrong!

You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the fork in the wrong hand, and NOW YOU THROW THE WRONG BITCH OUT THE WINDOW!"

A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the speech.

Annoyed by the event, the next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department was: "There should not be last coach in any train."

- Policeman: What do you think you're doing driving through that intersection fifty miles an hour?

- Driver: My brakes don't work so I was rushing home before I had an accident.

What do you get if you cross a Rolls Royce with a vampire?
→ A monster that attacks expensive cars and sucks out their gas tanks.

A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He'd then jump back into the cab in time to drive away when the signal changed.

The first fellow observed this for several miles, until he could stand it no longer. The next time the truck driver jumped out with the stick, the first fellow jumped out and ran up to him. "I'm sorry to bother you," he said, over the din of the banging, "but I am very curious; could you tell me what you are doing?"

Without breaking rhythm, the truck driver replied, "Sure, Mac. Ya see, this here's a six-ton truck but I've got eight tons of canaries aboard, so I've gotta keep two ton of them flying all the time so I don't break an axle".

Where can you dance in California?
→ San Frandisco.

The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work.

A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life.

"Hey Roadway driver whos the two biggest poofs in America?" comes from the CB.

The Roadway driver replies. "I don't know".

The other trucker says "You and your brother".

Well the Roadway driver gets all annoyed but the other driver tells him "Its just a joke - tell it to the next truck you see."

Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour an finally sees another truck. He gets on the CB and says "Hey other truck do you know who the two biggest poofs in the world are?"

The other trucker says "I don't know who?"

The roadway driver replies "Me and my brother"

- Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free, but underneath it's covered with rust

- Dealer: Yes, sir. The car is rust-free. We didn't charge you for it, did we?