Sport Jokes — most viewed jokes

What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?
→ Play ball.

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
→ Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; "Look my child, look what I've just finished making." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" God replied, "It's another planet, but this time, I've decided to put LIFE on it. I've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between evertyhing on it.

For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - that's going to be a hot spot.
Now look over here.
I've put a continent of white people in the North and another one of black people in the South."

And then the archangel said, "And what's that long white line there?"
And God said, "Ahhh that's the land of the long white cloud - Aotearoa - (New Zealand) that's a very special place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on earth; Beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. These people here are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be fond of travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieveing. And I'm going to give them this superhuman, undefeatable rugby team which will be blessed with the most talented, and charasmatic specimens on the planet, and they will be admired and feared by all who come across them." Michael the archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed, "Hold on a second, what about the BALANCE, you said ther was going to be a balance....."

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the neighbours I'm going to give them."

Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
→ Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.

How does a physicist exercise?
→ By pumping ion!

What stories are told by basketball players?
→ Tall stories!

Why can't the Philippines field an ice hockey team?
→ The players all drowned in spring training.

What kind of money do fishermen make?
→ Net profits!