Sport Jokes — most viewed jokes

How does Dracula keep fit?
→ He plays batminton.

Why won't pigs take up jogging?
→ They don't like to get that far from the table.

Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said:

'I didn't think we'd make it!' Jill replied,

'Nor did I - what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we'd have slid all the way back down!'

An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn't had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favourite flies out of their box

Strangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.

The weather forcast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.

The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.

With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.

Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson."

God replied "I did. Who do you think he's going to tell?"

Name two tennis stars who are famous in the hamburger world?
→ Bjorn Borger and Billie Jean-o's Burger King!

Two blondes rented a fishing boat, and were having a great day catching fish.

The first blonde said "This is such a great spot, we need to mark it so we can come back."

The second blonde proceeded to put a mark on the side of the boat.

The first blonde asked "What are you doing?"

The second blonde replied "Marking the spot."

"Don't be stupid" the first blonde said. "What if we don't get the same boat next time?"

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Viciou Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again.

"Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy said.

"I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Cowboys fan." the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet!"

Which is the cheapest bicycle you can buy?
→ A penny-farthing.

Where do old bowling balls end up?
→ In the gutter!

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.

"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."

"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."

"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."