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A Broken Ankle

True story: About a week ago, I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile. My nurse for that first night was a very nice 50ish lady with a strong German accent.

At one point in the middle of the night, she came in to give me a shot of morphine. She asked where I would like the shot and I pointed to my right thigh. I slid my blankets down and she lifted my gown.

With my gown raised, she uttered the words, "Okay, small prick," and proceeded with the injection.

I'm still not sure whether her words were meant to warn me of the upcoming pain or as an editorial comment.

Door in the Wall

Mad men are given a test to prove they are getting normal their teacher draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out.
They tart fighting but one remains sitting and the teacher goes to him and asks why he didn't join others and he says "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"

Library Books

A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, "Have you got any books about committing suicide?"

The librarian said, "Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf."

The chap came back a few moments later and said, "I can't find any at all."

The librarian replied, "Yes, it's awful. They never bring 'em back!"

The Used Car Genie

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car.

He opens it and out pops a genie....

But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. There's a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this," says the man. "I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!"

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."

POOF

The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

POOF

The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says:

"I wish that no matter where I go a beautiful woman will want and need me."

POOF He's turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story?

If a used car salesman offers you anything at no cost, there's going to be a string attached somewhere!

Birthday Cufflinks

Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were resting their horses out on the range.

"What'd Emmaline give yew for yore birthday?" asked Swint.

"Pair of cufflinks," said Fess. "But I ain't got no use for them. I can't even find anyplace to get my wrists pierced."

Gloves for My Wife

"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."