Situations — most viewed jokes

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN TUBE!!!

Did you hear about the girl who was so keen on road safety that she always wore white at night?
→ Last Winter she was knocked down by a snow plough

A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the man. "It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
→ Because he couldn't keep his calves together!

What do you call an Igloo without a toilet?
→ An Ig!

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."

When the husband came home from his job, he found his wife crying. "Your mother insulted me, very much." she sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she's on a vacation on the other side of the world?"

"I know. But this morning, a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it, because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter, it was written: P.S. Dear Catherine, when you've read this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."

What do you call a cowboy who helps out in a school?
→ The deputy head!

Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?
→ From crawling across the street when the sign said: "Don't Walk."

A man was sitting in the electric chair. The executioner said, "Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to throw the switch in a minute."
The man said, "Do me a favor and throw it out the window!"