Situations — most viewed jokes

A man and his son were shovelling the driveway after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered away from them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted angrily: "Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back over to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the bus stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.

What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
→ Bronchitis (bronc-itis).

You're in a room with no doors and no windows, and all you have is a baseball bat. How do you get out?
→ Strike 1! Strike 2! Strike 3! You're out!

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then."

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other man.

"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered.

"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The rich man replied "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"

A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.

It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up, "what the hell was that?". The truck driver replies, "some kinda animal, go back to sleep."

Further the same thing again, bang, "What the hell was that?", "some kinda animal again."

Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, "What the hell was that?", "Some bastard!". "How terrible", says the hitch-hiker, "but there were 3 bangs"

The truck driver replies, "Yeah, well I had to go through two fences to get the bastard. . ."

The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.

"All right!" he raged, "all right! Who did it? What goldarned varmint painted my horse blue?"

The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door.

"It was me, shrimp," he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, "what about it?"

"Oh, well, er," stammered little Pete wretchedly, "all I wanted to say was. . .when are you going to give it another coat?"

Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
→ The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Kelly was standing in front of Cohan's Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk.

Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!"

"I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"

How do you make a Kleenex dance?
→ Put a little boogie in it.