Random joke from this category
There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie.
Well he rubbed the bottle and the genie said, "I'll grant you one wish".
So the mexican says - "ok, I wanna be white and I wanna be surrounded by a pussy".
The genie grants the mexicans wish...and turned him into a tampon!
A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having sex in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn't move. He finally brought the truck to a halt inches from them. The truck driver got out and stormed:
"What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me? You could have been killed!"
The man replied nonchalantly: "Listen, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
What did the sign on the whore house say?
→ Beat it we are closed
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska.
The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"
And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.
"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!" And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!" And his dick deflated again.
"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"
The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished.
So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said "Dick, ten-HUT!" and the dick sprang to life.
Then it was "Dick, at EASE!" But nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!" But still nothing happened.
So the guy now says, "For the last time, you son-of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!" Still nothing.
Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where she found him masturbating.
"What in the world are you doing!?" she asked.
The guy says... "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"
"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, "Will you still make love like that to me after we're married?"
He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."
There's this old man in a nursing home and he's hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says, "How about a quickie for twenty bucks?"
She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says, "You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks."
In reply, the nurse says, "If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"
A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up.
She replied, "You mean imagine that it's good?!"
A woman went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out an outrageous yell."
"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "he keeps waking me up!"
What do men have difficulty retaining?
a) a job
b) a budget
c) a promise
d) a secret
e) a friendship
f) a marriage
g) an anniversary date
h) a 30-minute erection
i) all of the above
A man and woman the morning after their honeymoon night were discussing the previous evenings' events. The woman says, "You are a terrible lover!"
The man replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?!"
