Sex Jokes — most viewed jokes

Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex.
So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream.
The next day the meet.

The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."

The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

The Greek says, "That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."

A man and woman the morning after their honeymoon night were discussing the previous evenings' events. The woman says, "You are a terrible lover!"

The man replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?!"

A frustrated wife decided her sex life needed spicing up.

After work, she went shopping and picked up a pair of crotchless panties. She went home and donned the new garment, and selected a short skirt to go with it.

She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him as she sipped a drink.

She slowly spread her legs ... "Honey would you like some of this?" she asked enticingly. "Hell no!" he gasped, "look what it's done to your underwear!"

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
→ A hooker can clean her crack and resell it the next day.

- I have some good news and some bad news, which shall I tell first?

- Uhhh, well, give me the bad news first, I guess.

- You only have one week left to live.

- Oh no! What good news can you possibly tell me now?

- Well, you know that really hot-looking nurse who just came in here? I'm taking her out to dinner tonight, and who knows where the night will end!

What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
→ The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
→ The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
→ The blonde says, "Beige. . . I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

This kid walks into the pharmacy:

- I've a hot date tonight, a sure thing, and my buddies said you could fix me up for it.

- What do you want?

- Well, it's a hot date, man. A sure thing? You know...

- What do you want?

- I need some protection, alright??!?!

- What size?

- Size? I dunno... Whatever is considered average I guess.

- That'll be $2.35 including tax.

- Tacks?! Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!

What did one Lesbian frog say to the other Lesbian frog?
→ You know what...we DO taste like chicken!

Why don't men fake orgasm?
→ Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.

A young wife, her boorish husband and a good-looking sailor were ship-wrecked on an island and had already been there for awhile.

One morning the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled - "Stop fucking her down there!"

"What's the matter with you?" asked the husband after the sailor came back down. "We weren't doing anything."

"Sorry," said the sailor. "from up there it looked like you were."

Every morning after that, the sailor scaled the small tree and yelled the same thing. Finally, the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.

"By golly, he's right," said the husband. "It DOES look like they're fucking down there!"