Sex Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why does it take 100 sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
→ Because men won't stop for directions!

What did one gay sperm say to the other?
→ I can't find my way through all this shit.

A man went to a sex doctor and told him of his extremely active sex life. He said He had a wife, several mistresses, masturbated, and had wet dreams all the time. The doctor asked which he liked best.

He Replied, "Wet Dreams, you meet a much higher class of people in them."

One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Billy watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?" "Of course, Son, we're a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is where me and the mailman usually falls off!"

PUPPY LOVE A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, "Well, son, they're making a puppy." The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position. Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The Dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, "Well, son, we are making you a little brother. "The little boy replied ,"Please turn Mom over, Dad, I'd rather have a puppy!"

What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other?
→ Gee, we really do taste like chicken.

Have you heard the one about the homosexual who wanted to enlarge the circle of his friends?

Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate saying, she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."

So that's what Joe did.

The next day at the bar, his buddy said, "Well, did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said Joe.

"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, 'I'll be back in an hour!!'"

Jon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, "We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday."

Jon says, "Why not Thursday?"

The boss says, "Because Thursday is your turn in the barrel."

What is a man's idea of safe sex?
→ A padded headboard.