Science — most viewed jokes

What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender?
→ Rhesus Pieces.

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?
→ The nearest ISOBAR!!

What is the most popular game played by tornadoes?
→ Catch my drift

Today they're leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine.

They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So they release the drunkard as well.

The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says: "Hey, I see what your problem is!"

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?

"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?
→ You make my temperature rise.

What type of sense of humor does rain have?
→ A very wet sense of humor

What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode?
→ What a lavaly day!

Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes?
→ The weatherman.