School — most viewed jokes

What do you call an elephant that can't do sums?
→ Dumbo!

What did the dog do with the history professor?
→ They got together and talked over old times.

- Teacher: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?

- Jack: 7 years old

- Teacher: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?

- Jack: 9 years old

- Teacher: That's impossible!

- Jack: No it's not. I'm 8 today.

- Teacher: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.

- Mike: Here it is !

- Teacher: Good. Now class, who discovered America?

- Class: Mike !!!

- Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?

- Student: Yes sir.

- Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?

- Student: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.

- Cool Student: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?

- Teacher: No.

- Cool Student: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.

- Teacher: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.

- Alfred: Me !!!

- Teacher: Are you chewing gum?

- Billy: No. I'm Billy Anderson.

- Teacher: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.

- Student: You can't fool me teacher ! Snakes don't have feet !!!

- Hygiene Teacher: How do you prevent deseases from biting insects?

- Willy: Don't bite any.

- Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence using the word 'I'

- Ellen: I is....

- Teacher: No Ellen always use "I am".

- Ellen: Oh, alright. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

- Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?

- Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.

- Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?

- Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

- Mother: What did you learn in school today

- Son: How to write

- Mother: What did you write?

- Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five. The youngster proceeded to count to five on his fingers.

Then the teacher asked, "Can you count any higher?"

The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five again.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

- Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?

- Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!

Why was the headmaster worried?
→ Because there were too many rulers in school!

Bad timing for an excuse

- Teacher: Why were you late?

- Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.

- Teacher: It's three in the afternoon!