School — most viewed jokes

- Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!

- Pupil: What?, and get bitten!

- Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it?

- Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Tipton and Baldwin shared a room on the North Carolina campus.

One day Tipton came in and said to his roommate, "I hear there's a new case of herpes in the dorm."

"Great!" said Baldwin. "I was getting tired of 7-Up!"

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.

While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class become more and more unmanageable.

Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.

Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?
→ He wanted to sing higher!

When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat?
→ He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row!

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?
→ One trains the mind, the other minds the train.

University

To: Professor [ ]
From: [ ]

I think my grade in your course, [ ], should be changed from [ ] to [ ] for the following reasons:

1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:
   [ ] Law School
   [ ] Medical School
   [ ] Graduate School
   [ ] Dental School
   [ ] My Fraternity/Sorority
   [ ] The Mickey Mouse Club
   [ ] Tri County Tech
4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in [ ].
5. I'll lose my scholarship.
6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam.
7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.
8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.
9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.
10. You are prejudiced against:
    [ ] Males [ ] Jews [ ] Blacks
    [ ] Females [ ] Catholics [ ] Whites
    [ ] Protestants [ ] Moslems [ ] Minorities
    [ ] Chicanos [ ] People [ ] Students
11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.
12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:
    [ ] mono
    [ ] broken baby finger
    [ ] acute alcoholism
    [ ] pregnancy
    [ ] VD
    [ ] fatherhood
13. You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly how you wanted that done.
14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.
15. I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.
16. The lectures were:
    [ ] too detailed to pick out important points
    [ ] not explained in sufficient detail
    [ ] too boring
    [ ] all jokes and not enough material
    [ ] all of the above
17. This course was:
    [ ] too early, I was not awake.
    [ ] at lunchtime, I was hungry
    [ ] too late, I was tired
18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.
19. Other

What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life?
→ Grade six.