School — most viewed jokes

- Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong?

- Pupil: I don't know, nobody I know owns one!

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out), diahoah(crossed out), dyah(crossed out) the shits.

'I can't find my dollar bill,' Jane sobbed.

'Don't worry,' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'

- Father: I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.

- Son: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.

Why did Arthur have a round table?
→ So no one could corner him!

Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
→ They don't want to wear out the camel.

Soderling, the star college halfback, was taking a math exam.

The coach desperately needed him to play in the Syracuse game on Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him an oral exam.

"All right," said the prof. "How many degrees are there in a circle?"

"Uh, depends," said the boy. "How big is that there circle?"

What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?
→ Something from another universe-ity!

- Man: How's your history paper coming?

- Woman: Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it's been very helpful.

- Man: Really?

- Woman: Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell them!