School — most viewed jokes

Where did the piglets study their ABC's?
→ At a school for higher loining.

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Bobby?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.

Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him - "I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"And where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

What's the difference between an angler and a dunce?
→ One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.

Recently, on an outing with my scout troop, the question came up of when the new millenium will begin--January 1st 2000 or 2001.

So the Scoutmaster explained that each century begins with year "1" and ends with year "100" - thus the reason why the 20th century began at the start of 1901 and will end at the close of 2000.

To illustrate his point, he gathered 15 berries and asked the boys how many he had.

Each boy correctly answered "15".

His next question was, "Now which berry is number '0'?"

To which one boy blurted out, "The one that isn't there!"

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.

But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one....

Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!"

What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?
→ The alphabat.

Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets?
→ No, it's theatre. They love to ham it up and hog all the attention.

A new two year degree is being offered at Life University...

Becoming a Real Man!

That's right, in just six terms, you too can be a real man.

Please take a moment to look over the program outline:

First Year

Autumn Schedule

• MEN 101... Combating Stupidity
• MEN 102... You too can do housework
• MEN 103... PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shut
• MEN 104... We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas

Winter Schedule

• MEN 110... Wonderful Laundry Techniques
• MEN 111... Understanding the female responses to getting in at 4 a.m.
• MEN 112... Parenting: It doesn't end with conception
• MEN 113... Get a life, learn to cook

Spring Schedule

• MEN 120... How NOT to act like an asshole when you're wrong
• MEN 121... Understanding your incompetence
• MEN 122... You, the weaker sex
• MEN 123... Reasons to give flowers

Second Year

Autumn Schedule

• SEX 101... You CAN fall asleep without it
• SEX 102... Morning Dilemma: If it's awake, take a shower
• MEN 201... How to stay awake after sex
• MEN 202... How to put the toilet seat down

Winter Schedule

• MEN 210... The remote control: Overcoming your dependencies
• MEN 211... How NOT to act younger that your children
• MEN 212... You too can be a designated driver
• MEN 213... Honest - You don't look like Russel Wong - Especially naked

Spring Schedule

• MEN 220... Omitting @#%! from your vocabulary
• MEN 221... Fluffing the blanket after farting in not necessary
• MEN 222... Real men ask for directions
• MEN 223... Thirty minutes of begging is not considered foreplay

Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig?
→ Because he was an old boar.

Can you spell a composition with two letters?
→ SA (essay).