Religion — most viewed jokes

What did Adam do when he wanted some sugar?
→ He raised Cain.

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?
→ Sister Matic!

"Now my motto in life," said the school chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?"

- My motto is let bygones be bygones.

- That's good. Why did you choose that?

- Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Who is the fastest runner in history.
→ Adam - because he was the first in the human race.

A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.

As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's feet.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going to do with the BODY?"

As two boys were passing the rectory, the minister leaned over the wall and showed them a ball.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

"Did it do any damage?" asked one of the boys.

"No," replied the minister.

"Then it's mine!"

A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.

"I always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.

"I like to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about THAT God," the five year old interrupted. "I was talking about the COAST God."