Religion — most viewed jokes

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other:

- Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?

The other replies:

- Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him.

So that night he did and God replied:

- You are what you are.

The next day he said to the other zebra:

- I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are.

The second zebra responds:

- You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is.

The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said:

- If you'll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven.

- I don't think I'll be there - the boy said.

- You don't even know your way to the post office.

In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other:

- Why are you here?

The second answers:

- I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here.

The first is curious and asks:

- How do you know that you're Napoleon?

The second responds:

- God told me I was.

At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts:

- NO I DIDN'T!

A mature woman was in the pastorial study counseling for her upcoming fourth wedding.

- Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?

- My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be.

- Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow.

- The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm going to get screwed!

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted...:

- Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife.

Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
→ The thought had never entered his head before.

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. The nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the side, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much.

So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said........

- Not very freakin' strong tonight, are you Batman!

An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not without a few "squalls" received a humble lecture from their priest regarding their disgraceful quarrels:

- Why, that dog and cat you have agree better than you.

- If yer reverence'll tie them together, ye'll soon change yer mind.

Is there a God?
→ A billion Hindus can't be wrong.

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.

By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.

The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed:

- And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention....